Last Resort, First Relief
by fire-panther24
Summary: Because of tragic past events, Miley Stewart had become a cutter. For four years she's been at it but what happens when she decides she's had enough and tries to commit suicide?
1. Slit Wrists

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hannah Montana, Ok? Ok, good we understand each other. Enjoy this fic...or at least try to be postive about it.**

Last Resort, First Relief

"Miles," Jackson called as he pounded on the bathroom door," Miley, open the door! You've been in there forever!." He gave a frustrated sigh. "I know you're not doing anything in there! Know what? I'm gonna get a key!" Jackson left brifely to get a key then came back. "I'm coming in Miley." Might as well give her fair warning before coming in, just incase. He put the key in and turned it. He opened the door and gasped. Laying unconsious on the floor was Miley, wrist slit and bleeding. Lying next to her was a bloody razor blade. Without thinking, Jackson grabbed a towel and cut it in half. He tightly wound a peice on each of Miley's bleeding wrists to stop more blood flow.

"DAD!!!" He yelled. He pulled out his cell phone from his pocket and dialed 911.

"911, please state your emergency." Said a female voice on the other end of the phone.

"Please send an ambulance quickly. My sister has attempted suicide by slit wrists and she's bleeding alot." Jackson said. His dad had already come to the bathroom and was kneeling on the floor next to Miley. Both men had tears in their eyes. Jackson told the lady their address and all other information she asked for. They soon heard sirens as an ambulance pulled up to their house.

Jackson rode in the passenger seat of his dad's car as they followed the ambulance. Neither of them could speak. Jackson wept openly now. He couldn't believe it, his little sister, his only sibling, had attempted to kill herself. _Why?_ was all Jackson could think. Miley had a great life, a loving family, great friends, a famous boyfriend, and she was Hannah Montana. What could be wrong? Why would she feel like dying?

They pulled up to the hospital. Jackson watched as they rushed Miley to the ER, she had lost so much blood. Jackson felt weak. He sat down as his Dad went through all the nessessary procedures. Jackson put his head in his hands. He felt as though his heart was being pulled out and stabbed repeadily. This tore him up. It burrowed deep into his soul until he felt like there was nothing left. Jackson didn't move when his dad sat down next to him. He was startled when his dad spoke.

"Jackson, can you call Lilly, Oliver, and Jake and tell them," He paused,"tell them what happened?" Jackson nodded. He knew his dad couldn't handle it. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed Lilly's number first. It rang twice before picking up.

"_Hello?"_

_"_Lilly, this is Jackson."

_"Jackson? What do you want?" _

"It's Miley, she...she..." He took a deep shuddering breath.

_"What is it Jackson? What about Miley?"_

"She...She tried to kill herself Lilly." Jackson heard her gasp on the other end.

_"Are you serious Jackson?"_

"I wish I wasn't. We're at the hospital right now."

_"Thanks, Jackson. I'll be right there."_

"Lilly?" He asked before she hung up." Can you tell Oliver for me? I'll break it down to Jake." Lilly agreed and they hung up. He struggled to see the numbers on his phone as he dialed Jake's number. He wiped his eyes a bit as the phone rang.

_"Sup?"_

"Jake, come to the hospital quickly. Miley tried to commit suicide." Jackson said quickly. Jake said he would hurry there and hung up. They didn't have to wait long before Lilly and Oliver showed up, followed by their parents.

"What happened? Where's Miley? Is she going to be ok?" Lilly asked as soon as she walked up to them. Jackson was about to answer when Jake came in asking the same questions. All three people looked like they had been crying their eyes out. Jackson told them everything, how Miley had been in the bathroom for a long time before he opened it, when he saw Miley and when he called for help. Lilly was sitting in the chair next to him looking horror struck. There was a steady stream of tears flowing down her face. She thought the exact same thing as everyone else, _Why?_

They waited around for a bit before a doctor came out into the waiting room.

"Is there anyone in here realted to a Miss Miley Stewart?" He asked. Jackson and his dad immeadiately stood up and walked towards the dotor.

"How's my little girl?" Mr. Stewart asked when he walked up. The doctor sighed.

"Your daughter was in very bad shape when she got here, massive bloodloss and she has AB negative blood, very rare, very rare. We're not sure where this is going to go but if she makes it through the night then you can be sure that she's going to be fine." Jackson's eyes filled with new tears. There was a chance that his baby sister might die.

**A/N:** Ok, very short first chapter. I'll continue more later. Miley's life is in your hands, does she live? Does she die? You review and tell or I'll have to make the decision myself.

_I felt the panic and tried to breathe, is this happening? I've fucking had it, oh God save me please, 'cause I don't think she'll make it through the night.- Die Romantic; Aiden  
_


	2. Back in Time

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hannah Montana but if I did you can be assured no one would die...but that has nothing to do with this story. This chapter is partly from Miley's Journal.**

Last Resort, First Relief

_4 years ago..._

_"But that can't be true!" I yelled,"She's still alive! The doctor's are lying!" My Dad shook his head sadly. I wouldn't believe it! My Mom was still alive, she couldn't die from a stupid car crash._

_"I'm sorry Miles but she gone. There's nothing we can do about it." I let the tears in my eyes slip down my face. My Dad hugged me and told me things would get better. I knew they wouldn't because now I didn't have a mother._

_3 Months later..._

_I guess I'm doing better after my Mom's death. I walked home from school and saw my Dad in the kitchen looking sadder than usual. What happened?_

_"Hi Daddy," I said as I walked up to him. He looked at me with pure sadness in his eyes. "What's wrong?"_

_"You remember your cousin Mikey?" I nodded slowly. "Well, his mom just called me, he has cancer." Tears welled up in my eyes.What else could happen? Did God have to take everyone away from me?_

_1 year later..._

_We're moving to Malibu. I guess my Dad couldn't stand Tennesse(sp?) anymore without Mom. I guess it'd be better for me too. I have too many memories of Mom in our old house. And of Mikey too. He died about 2 months ago from his cancer. A couple months before that my best friend, Carmen, moved to New York. Then my dog died. My life is seriously bad right now. I hope it'll get better in California. At least my 11th birthday is coming up, something to look forward to._

I closed my Diary and walked into the kitchen. The house looked smaller with everything packed away. I got a juice. I just took a sip before my Dad called me.

"Miley, can you help me put these paintings away?" I sighed.

"Sure Dad!" I went to the living room and helped him with the rest of the paintings. "When exactly are we moving?" I asked.

"Next week, so you'd better make sure you have everything you need packed." I nodded then headed for my room to double check everything.

_In Malibu..._

_We're finally here. We got a two story house right in front of the beach. It's really nice and peaceful. I breath in and smell the salty ocean air. It's so much warmer here. I love the weather. Oh, gotta go help unpack._

I went dowstairs and helped open some taped up boxes. I went to the one labled with my name and got the box cutter. I was ripping open the tape that held it close when my grip on the cutter slipped. It twisted and cut me deep and really close to a vein. I cried out in shock, not pain. It didn't hurt one bit. If fact, it felt...good. I looked at the blood coming out of it and felt...kind of happy, in a way. Jackson heard my shout and checked to see what was wrong.

"Dad!" He yelled when he saw my bleeding wrist. Dad came quickly and helped clean and bandage the cut.

"What happened Miles?" He asked. I told him that I was opening boxes and that the cutter slipped. "You need to be careful, Miley. Imagine what could've happened if it hit the vein?" He shook his head. "I think Jackson and I'll open the boxes from now on." I didn't care. I went upstairs to my room. There was nothing in it except my bed and dresser. Everything else was still packed. I laid down and fell asleep. I had nightmares about my Mom and Mikey and Carmen. I woke up sweating. I glanced around and saw it was night, probably really late judging by the silence. I got up and paced my room. My heart was racing, I needed something to calm me down. Then I remembered the sudden relaxed feeling I had when the cutter had sliced my wrist. Would it work a second time?

I went to the bathroom and looked around for something, anything, that I could cut myself with. I stopped at that thought. Was I, Miley Stewart, about to become a cutter? I put the thought out of my head as I found a pair of scissors. I held them in my right hand and looked for a good spot on my left wrist where Dad and Jackson wouldn't be able to see. There was nowhere except the top of my arm. Oh well, guess I'll wear long sleeves. I gently placed the scissors on my wrist and shivered at the coolness of it. I applied pressure and slid it slowly down. I was rewarded with a crimson line following the scissors. I instantly felt better, more relaxed and soothed. I made another cut before cleaning up and going back to bed. I went the rest of the night without troubled sleep.

I woke up the next morning and stretched. I brought my left wrist to my face and examined the work I had done. I smiled briefly before getting up and getting my clothes. Long sleeves for a while. And so the cutting begins...

_8th grade..._

_Feel likes it's been a while since I last wrote. A lot has happened. I graduated 8th grade and I'll be starting 9th in August. I also have two really awesome best friends, Lilly Truscott and Oliver Oken. Lilly's a super cool, fun, energetic skater. Oliver's...well, he's a doughnut, what else do I have to say? At first I didn't like him 'cause he started a rumor that I ate possum! Ew, gross! But then Lilly make him take it back and forced us to be friends. Also, I've become famous teen pop sensation Hannah Montana! I disguise myself with a blonde wig so nobody knows that I'm really Miley Stewart. I don't want people to know 'cause then they won't treat me the same. Only my family, Lilly, and Oliver know about 'the other side of me'. Lol, that's the title of one of my songs. Did I mention that I could be going out with Jake Ryan?! As soon as he comes back from making his movie, which is in about a month. _

_On a darker subject, I'm still cutting myself. I can't seem to stop, it's addictive but I'm doing it less and less. I have plenty of scars though. I hide them with makeup so no one knows. It's hard when I make a new one and it starts bleeding in school or when I'm around somebody. I have to rush to the bathroom and try to stop it. I feel a bit guilty for doing this but I can't stop and it makes me feel better. I've got to be very careful. If anyone found out..._

I rolled up my sleeve and looked at the countless scars. I traced my finger over a recent cut that was just starting to scab over. I sighed. I never thought it'd go on this long but I guess I was wrong. I also thought I'd get over all the bad things that happened when I was ten. Another thing to be wrong about. Still, looking at my self-mutilation(sp?) filled me with a sense of elation. I felt good and bad about these scars. My eyes widened as I suddenly felt the urge. The urge to cut, random burst of depression that edged me on was never far behind. I grabbed my iPod and tried to drown it out with music. No luck, Papa Roch _Last Resort_ came on. Wonderful how much it fit my life. I couldn't fight the feeling anymore.

I walked into my Hannah closet and took out a small box that was hidden from everyone. I was positive no one would be able to find it, unless they were a perv. I lifted the lid off the box to reveal my collection of blades, knifves, and all assortment of sharp objects. There was banages and other first-aid stuff in there. I picked up one of the razor blades and held it in my left hand. My cutting had moved to both arms though the left was considerably worse. I went through the process quickly, I just wanted to get it over with. While slicing myself up I repeated parts of _Last Resort_ in my head.

_Cut my life into pieces, this is my last resort_

_Suffocation, no breathing_

_Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding_

_Would it be wrong? Would it be right?_

_If I took my life tonight? Chances are that I might_

_Mudilation out of sight, and I'm contimplating suicide_

_Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind_

_Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine_

_Losing my sight, losing my mind_

_Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine_

Was I really thinking about suicide? I might. I shut my eyes tight for a moment. I had to stop thinking about this. I quickly cleaned up my arm and put everything back. I rolled my sleeve down and headed back into my room. I couldn't stand being there by myself. I needed human contact but I didn't want to talk to Jackson or Dad. I always felt guilty if I talked to them right after cutting myself. So, I got on IM since Dad was using the phone.

_rockerchic has signed on_

**rockerchic**: Hello? anybody on?

**Skatergir**l: Hey Miley

**rockerchic**: Hi Lilly. how long u've been on?

**Skatergir**l: Not long. I'm waiting for Oliver. He said he'd b on.

_doughnutman has signed on_

**rockerchic**: doughnutman? Couldn't have picked a better name

**doughnutman**: shut up, Lilly picked it for me

**Skatergirl**:giggles

**rockerchic**:gol

**doughtnutman**:gol? Soccer! goooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaalllllllllllllll!!!!!!

**rockerchic**:...no Oliver. It mean Giggles Out Loud.

**Skatergirl**:O I get it! anyways, are there any Hannah things going on Miley?

**rockerchic**:no..wait brb

My Hannah phone was ringing. Funny how that happened. I answered it and heard the annyoing voice of Tracy. She invited me to another Hollywood party for London Tipton. I forgot about that chick. I agreed to go and hung up.

**rockerchic**:k back. funny, Tracy just called me. she invited me to a party for London Tipton

**Skatergirl:** London Tipton:o!!! I wanna go

**rockerchic:** of course ur going

**doughnutman:** what about me!!!

**rockerchic:** looks like Hannah Lola and Sean are going.

**doughnutman:** Sean?

**rockerchic:** yes, Sean. me and Lilly already got ur look and name ready

**doughnutman:** grumble

**Skatergirl:** o get over it!

**doughnutman:** :-(

**rockerchic:** riiiiight...anyways, i g2g bye guys.

**Skatergirl: **:-(

**doughnutman:** :-(

**rockchic:** I said bye!!!

**Skatergirl:** o sorry Miles. bye!

**doughnutman:** buh-bye...oh! I smell pie!!!!!!

_doughnutman has gone idle_

_rockerchic has signed off_

**Skatergirl:** fine! just leave me here

**blondewonder: **ok

**Skatergirl:** WTF?!

I signed off and made myself a sandwich. I plopped myself in front of the TV and ate my sandwich. I always felt good after talking to Lilly and Oliver. I spent the rest of my Sunday afternoon uneventfully.

**A/N:** Wow, my first backwards fic. First time I went back in time on a fic. The first to guess who blondewonder is will know if Miley lives. So you'd better hurry.


	3. You did what!

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hannah Montana. Dedicated to Papa Roach, whose lead singer _could've_ been my friend's uncle if her aunt hadn't dumped him a day before he was going to ask her to marry him.**

Last Resort, First Relief

The summer went by pretty quick, sadly. It was the weekend before school started and I was loungeing around the living room. I jumped as the phone rang next to me. I picked it up.

_"Hello?"_

_"Hey Miley."_ My breathing quickened. I knew that voice!

_"J-Jake?"_

_"The one and only, babe. I just got back last night from Romania. So, I was thinking, tomorrow is the last day of summer vacation, do you want to do something together?"_

_"Sure, Of course Jake."_

_"Great, I'll pick you up around 6:30?"_

_"Yes, definately."_

_"Cool, bye Babe."_

_"Bye Jake,"_ I hung up then let out a girly squeal. I was going out with _Jake Ryan!_ Jackson came in and raised his eyebrows at me.

"What's with you?" He asks as he gets some juice. I smile at him while he takes a drink.

"I got a date tomorrow," I said. Jackson's eyes widened and he spit out his juice.

"W-what?! With who?" He asked while coughing. I bit my lip and looked away before looking back and answering.

"Jake Ryan..."

"Oh no you're not!" Great, just the time for him to get all over protective of me. I gave him a dirty look.

"Oh yes I am and you can't do anything about it!"

"You can't go out with him if he's in a hospital!" I gasped.

"Jackson!" He smiled insanely and walked upstairs. "Jackson, you idiot, you better not do anything!" I yelled after him. I need to tell Lilly. I call her and tell her how Jake asked me out. I have to hold the phone about a foot away when she screams excitedly. We talk for a long time, mainly about Jake and what I'm going to wear, before I have to get off so Jackson can use el telefono.(hah, spanish) I decided to head upstairs and just chill out in my room. Now would be a good time to make sure I have everything ready for school since tomorrow I won't be able to focus on anything besides my date. Once that I was over I went to take a shower.

I got out of the shower and blow dryed my hair. It was late so I had my pajama pants on with an over-sized shirt. I wasn't tired so I signed on to the computer. I signed in as invisible cause I wanted to see who was on first.

**Skatergirl:** No seriously, who r you?

**blondewonder:** lets just say you know me

I smiled 'cause I knew who blondewonder was and I knew he just so happened to have a crush on Lilly, even if he never admitted it.

**Skatergirl:** r u really blonde

**blondewonder:** yes

**Skatergirl:** ok, do you go to my school

**blondewonder:** _you'll_ be going to _my_ school in two days

**Skatergirl:** so ur older than me?

**blondewonder:** yes but I'll only give you a rough gap of years. between 1-3 years older than u

**Skatergirl:** hmm...

_rockerchic has signed on_

**blondewonder:** oh shit Miley!

_blondewonder has signed off_

**Skatergirl:** WTH! Thanks for signing on Miley!(sarcasm)Now I still don't know who that is

**rockerchic: **fine then!

_rockerchic has signed off_

**Skatergirl: **wait!...well that went well...

**rockerchic:** hah, you thought I really got off

**Skatergirl:** gasp! Miley, you have return-ed

**rockerchic:** rolls eyes

**Skatergirl: **:D

**rockerchic:** uh-oh! my dads coming! i have to get off, TTYL

_rockerchic has signed off_

_Skatergirl has signed off_

I quickly turned off the computer and jumped into bed. I pretended to be asleep as my Dad opened the door to check on me. After he closed the door and left I decided not to get back on. I didn't want to risk it. I went to sleep.

I woke up with the sun shining brightly on my eyes. Why are my curtains open? I sat up and rubbed my eyes. I streched and winced as the skin around a nearly-healed cut was pulled. I got up and headed towards the bathroom that connects mine and Jackson's room together. I locked both doors and brushed my teeth. I did the usual, comb my hair, wash my face, you know, normal stuff. I unlocked the doors and Jackson burst in.

"Finally! Get out, I really gotta go!" He said. I quickly got out of there. I went to my closet and picked out some clothes. After that I went downstairs for breakfast. As soon as I walked out of my room I could smell pancakes cooking. Mmm, pancakes sounded so good right now.

"Hi Daddy," I said as I sat at the breakfast bar. He pushed a plate full of pancakes towards me.

"Mornin' Bud. Help yourself," He said as he turned back to the ones that were still cooking. I got the syrup and poured it over them. I was about to take the first bite when the phone rang. I glared at it then answered.

"Hello?"

"Lilly in 10!" I heard on the other line. I hung up and quickly opened the front doors for Lilly. She landed inside with an ollie.

"Are those Mr. Stewart's famous pancakes I smell?" She asked. I nodded and she quickly jumped off her board and threw her helmet onto the couch. My Dad and I started laughing as she attacked the pancakes like she hadn't eaten in a week. She looked at us with a bulging mouth and attempted a smile.

"Please don't try Lilly," I said," you might spill all that out." She nodded and continued to chew the insane amount of food in her mouth. She was finally able to chew through and swallow it all. I continued on with my own.

"So when's your date with Jake?" She asked. My Dad coughed slightly.

"Excuse me?" I rolled my eyes.

"He said he'll pick me up at 6:30," I answered.

"And who said you're going?" My Dad asked. I looked at him innocently and smiled.

"I did," My Dad rolled his eyes and shook his head but he didn't say anything else. Lilly and I finished our breakfast and headed up the stairs. Half way up we encountered Jackson. "What took you so long?" I asked.

"Traffic?" He said. Lilly giggled and he turned a _very_ faint pink then headed towards the kitchen. I rolled my eyes. There was so much going on with those two, they just didn't have the guts to admit it. We walked into my room. I looked at my messy bed and hurriedly fixed it. I always forget to fix my bed. Me and Lilly talked and looked through my clothes for something to wear on my date.

"How about this?" Lilly asked, holding up a skirt. I shook my head, somehow I felt like I should dress in something warmer than a skirt and tank top. We finally agreed on an outfit. It was casual but still great looking. After that we spent the majority of the day watching tv, using the computer, and watching more tv. Before I knew it, it was 5:30. I started getting ready for my date with Lilly's help. I straightened my hair and put on a pink quarter sleeve shirt. I got my not-to-tight-but-tight-enough jeans and put them on. I wore Lilly's pink and black checkered Vans that I had "borrowed" weeks ago and never gave back. I finished getting ready just in time. The doorbell rang and I ran to answer it.

"Hi Jake," I said as I opened the door. He looked very nice. He had a red Ecko shirt on with some jeans and black and red Nikes.

"Hey Miley. You ready to go?" I nodded.

"Just let me tell my Dad first otherwise he'll think I got kidnapped." I ran upstairs and told my Dad I was leaving. I ran out of his room before he could say anything. "Ok, let's go," I said as I came back down. Jake had brought a limo! It wasn't a big deal riding one but it was a big deal that he had gotten a limo just for our date! He was a gentleman and opened the door for me before getting in himself. The driver took off.

**No POV**

Lilly sat on the couch next to Jackson. Both were concentrating very hard on the tv in front of them. There wasn't even a good show on, it was a rerun of The Hills. They would occasionally glance at each other then quickly turn back to the tv. The tension was gone soon, thanks to the conversation that The Hills provided.

"Jason is stupid to act like that!" Lilly said as the show finished.

"I know, Lauren needs better," Jackson said. Soon that turned into different conversation then to music, school, crushes. Within 5 mintues Jackson had his hands on Lilly's waist and Lilly had her arms around his neck and they were kissing...until Mr. Stewart walked in on them. Both giggled nervoulsy as Mr. Stewart waited for someone to say something.

**Miley's POV**

We had been driving for a while when Jake asked me something.

"Miley, I really want where we're going to be a surprise so when we get there...is it ok if I blindfold you?" Where were we going? I nodded. He smiled. "Great, you'll be...blown away by it." Was that a clue? I tried looking out the window. It was only then that I realized the windows were dark from the inside and I couldn't see out. Wow, I guess he really didn't want me to know until we got there. He rolled down his window but just enought for him to see through then he rolled it back up.

We talked a bit more then the limo pulled to a stop. He smiled. "We're here." He pulled out a blindfold from...somewhere. He motioned it towards me and I nodded. I was a little nervous about not being able to see but I trusted Jake. After that was done Jake helped me out of the limo and guided me around. I walked very close to him. I didn't want to run into anything. We stopped suddenly. "Are you ready Miley?" Jake asked.

"Yes," I blinked as the blindfold came off. I gasped as I saw a helicopter in front of me. I turned to look at Jake.

"I hope you're not afraid of heights," He said. He grabbed my hand and lead me to the heli. Standing just in front of it was a guy I assumed was the pilot.

"Hey, I'm James and I'll be your pilot for today," He said. I was nervous, he looked like he just got out of flight school or whatever. We all got in the heli and James started it up. I jumped slightly when we started pulling off the ground. I held on to Jake's arm like a maniac. He winced slightly and I loosened my grip. I shut my eyes. Then Jake told me to look out the window. I gasped as I saw the view. It was beautiful, the ocean looked like liquid gold from the sunset. Everything was covered in a golden light.

"Jake, it's beautiful," I shouted so he could hear me over the noise of the helicoptor blades. He nodded and put his arm around me. He was so warm, I snuggled close to him. James flew us around everywhere. He landed when the sky started to turn blueish/purple.

"How'd you like that?" Jake asked as he walked me back to the limo. I smiled at him.

"It was wonderful." He smiled a genuine smile, not the fake one he had for magazines. After that we went to an Italian resturaunt and Jake had a personal chef cook for us. I was happy that he went through all this trouble for me. We left when we realized it was already 10 PM. My Dad and Jackson would kill either me or Jake if I got home later than 10:30.

"Bye Jake," I said as we pulled up to my house. He leaned over and kissed me.

"Bye Miley," He said as he pulled back with a smile. I giggled shyly and got out. The door opened before I even knocked or rang the doorbell. Jackson was standing there. I raised my eyebrows at him and walked inside.

"How was your date with Jakey-boy?" Jackson asked, clearly upset that someone had even dared ask his little sister out. I smiled, why not mess around with him a bit?

"It was great Jackson, we had sex in the back of the limo," I replied. Holy Crap! I didn't even think human eyes could go that big! They were the size of tires!

"YOU DID WHAT?!?!?!?!?!" He yelled. He looked about ready to kill Jake with his bare hands. I busted up laughing uncontrollably. Jackson realized I was kidding and looked at me in a very pissed off way. "That was _not_ funny," He said. I nodded cause I was still laughing and I couldn't talk. He glared at me more. "Jake's lucky that's not true otherwise he'd be lying on his bedroom floor with a bullet in his head." I finally calmed down.

"Chill Jackson, I would never do that, especially not when I'm only _14!_" I said. He sneered and stalked off to his room. I headed upstairs also and got ready for bed. I couldn't wait to see Jake tomorrow.

BEEP BEEP BEEP!!! My stupid alarm clock woke me up. I shut it off and stretched. I thought about going back to sleep when I remembered it was the first day of school! I quickly got up and started getting ready. I put on a red tank top with a longer black one on bottom with some jeans and my red and black checkered Vans. I straightened my hair again and put on my makeup. When I was done getting ready I headed downstairs for breakfast. Jackson came dowstairs shortly afterwards and told me to hurry up because he was taking me to school. We were on our way out when the phone rang. I answered it. It was Lilly and she asked if we could take her to school because her Mom's car had broken down. I agreed and hung up.

"Jackson, Lilly needs a ride so can you go pick her up?" I asked. Jackson blushed noticeably but agreed. We stopped in front of Lilly's house and Jackson honked. Lilly walked out. She ran into the car and we left.

"Thanks for picking me up," Lilly said.

"No problem," Jackson said while blushing. I have a feeling something happened while I was on my date with Jake.

**A/N:** Holy crap, this chapter seems really long. All the more to enjoy. I really want to continue writing so smile because I'm already starting on the next chapter! Please reveiw folks...and I know this wasn't a very angsty chapter but I decided to let Miley be happy, if only for a bit.


	4. Suspended?

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hannah Montana but I do own a puppy named Remy:D Sorry for the delay but time got the better of me, what else can I say?**

Last Resort, First Relief

_Ugh, school started. It's pretty cool...as far as school goes, lol. Oliver, Lilly, Jake(obviously), and I were automatically accepted into the "popular" group but we don't really count ourselves as part of them. We just hang around with each other and talk to anyone we want, which Samantha(popular bitch) doesn't approve of because she says we should only talk to people like her and her BF Richard(bastard). We just dissed her and walked away. It was slightly funny because on the first and second day of school everybody(and I mean EVERYBODY, even seniors) tried to talk to Jake and the girls were all flirting with him. I let them for those two days but then when he was surrounded by pretty much every girl(and gay guy) in then school I walked up to him and gave him a huge kiss in front of them all. Everybody was in a shocked silence because they thought I was some random girl that kissed Jake without his consent. One girl even told me to get away from him. I turned to her and said why should I if he was my boyfriend? Everyone's eyes bugged out as me and Jake walked away laughing._

_Life...has not been good this past month. I keep having a lot of nightmares and I think I know why. It was 4 years ago this month that my Mom died. 4 years ago my life fell apart. For the most part I've been able to keep it together enough so that I could live(mostly) normal. But the thing is that these dreams are different, there's the usual dreams about my Mom being dead but there are new ones that are so terrifying all I can do is sit up in bed with the light on and tremble. What I hate the most is that I can't remember a damn thing about those dreams! All I know is how much they affect me. Once I even woke up screaming. That scared the hell out of my Dad and Jackson...and me. Anyways, I gotta go._

I closed my journal and went downstairs. I opened the fridge and basically stuck my head inside. God, could California weather get any hotter? I pulled out a coke and closed the fridge. I pulled the tabs and took a long drink from it. It felt so fresh and bubbly going down my throat. Jackson came downstairs.

"Hey Dork," Was my greeting to him. Wow, he looked really dressed up, like if he was ready for a date..." What're you so dressed up for?" I asked. He gave me a quick look.

"I...have a date..." I knew it. Wait, didn't Lilly tell me she had a date today too? I eyed Jackson.

"Who are you going with?" He looked away.

"A girl..." Obviously. "Anyways, I don't wanna be late. Bye Miles!" He said as he grabbed his car keys and ran out the door. Ew, Jackson and Lilly. They could at least tell me about it!...if they are going together. I plopped myself on the couch and got ready for a relaxing hour or so of tv, but that didn't happen. My Dad came downstairs and told me to clean my room. Ugh. Lately he's been so obsessed about cleaning. Even if me and Jackson can't tell it's dirty, we still have to clean it. I gurgdingly walked up the stairs and went to my room. It wasn't even dirty! The most was that there were a few out of place papers and CDs on the computer desk. I put those back and everything looked clean again. I stayed in my room though, I didn't feel like watching tv anymore. I decided to finally start on my geometry homework that I'd been ignoring all weekend. I'm good at math but that doesn't mean I like it.(A/n: I actually do geometry and I'm in 8th grade! I'm a year ahead and next year I'll have to do algebra II. Ew.)

I opened my math book to page 198 and picked up where I left off in class. Let's see, find the angle measures and classify the triangle. 66 plus 33 equals 99, 180 subtract 99 equals 81 so the triangle is acute. I continued on with the rest of my homework for about half an hour. When I was finally done I closed my books and put everything into my backpack so I wouldn't forget in the morning. I got out my iPod and listened to it. I'd only gotten through one song when it died. I glared at it then turned on the compy so I could charge it. I decided might as well use the computer since it's on.

I signed on to my messenger. I noticed Jake, Oliver, and...Lilly were on. Wasn't Lils' supposed to be on her date? I PMed her but didn't get a reply. She must've left herself signed on. I took myself off invisible.

_rockerchic has signed on_

**rockerchic:** hey guys

**doughnutman:** hey Miles

**slayinhottie:** sup Mileeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!YIPPPPPEEEE!!!! Hey! That rhymed

**rockerchic:** what the hell r u on boy?

**slayinhottie:** SUGER!!!!!!!! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**slayinhottie:** sugar...misspelled it...

**doughnutman:** riiiiight...not that this isn't entertaining but can we get a solid topic goin?

**rockerchic:** lets talk about history!

**doughnutman:** ...NO...F-ING...WAY...

**slayinhottie:** dude, my sugar rush like totally dropped when you said that :-(

**rockerchic:** lol, I was JOKING ew, no way I'd talk about school-related stuff outside of school and HM

**slayinhottie:** GASP-O! I need to do my homework!

_slayinhottie had signed out_

**rockerchic:** who the hell says gasp-o?

_doughnutman has signed out_

**rockerchic:** man...forget you too Ollie-boy

_rockerchic had signed out_

I got off the computer since it's no fun if you've got nothing to do. Problem was that I had nothing to do off the computer anyway. I went to take a shower. God, the water felt _so_ good and cooling as it hit my skin. I can't wait for the end of the month so fall can come. It's still the beginning of September, about two more weeks and fall comes! I got out of the shower and dried myself off with a towel. I put on my pajamas since it was late already. I heard voices from downstairs and figured Jackson had come home while I was in the shower. I went downstairs and sure enough, there was Jackson talking to my Dad. He immeadiatly shut up as soon as he saw me.

"How was your date?" I asked him. He hesitated for a moment.

"It was...really good," He replied.

"So, are you going to tell me who the girl is?" He got shifty eyes.

"Umm...why do you want to know?" Oh, boy.

"Because," I replied, drawing out the word,"I have a feeling I know this person." He debated with hisself for a moment before giving in.

"It was...Lilly." He looked like he was prepareing for a verbal-or maybe even physical-attack. I laughed loudly. He looked surprised.

"I _knew_ it!" I said as I shot a fist in the air to show my triumph(sp?) Now he looked confused.

"Wait, you're ok with this?" He asked. I gave him a look like he was crazy-which he is.

"Why wouldn't I be?" He looked around.

"Well, she is your best friend...I assumed you wouldn't want me dating her," He said somewhat guiltily.

"I don't _own_ her Jackson, if she likes you and you like her then why should I stop you two?" He sighed in relief.

"Good, I was afraid you _would_ try to stop us," He said. I gave him a look.

"Just make sure you treat her good, Jackson, because if I find out that you hurt her in anyway there won't be a person on this _earth_ that will be able to save you from me," I said. Hell no would he still be alive if he did anything bad to Lilly. He gave me another surprised look as I walked back upstairs.

Next Day... 

I woke up with a jolt when my alarm rang the next morning. I quickly shut it off and struggled to get out of bed. I was really shaken up because I had another one of those dreams. Yet again, I could remember nothing! The feeling of terror and loss was still on me but I tried to push it back as I got up and got ready for school. I went into the bathroom and brushed my teeth and washed my face. Then I went to get my clothes for the day. I picked out a black long sleeve shirt and a pair of tight jeans with my black low-top Converse. I combed my hair half-ways and put on my make up.

I went to the calendar to cross off yesterday's date. I looked at what today was. Today was September 22, the exact day that my mom died. I knew that today was not going to be a good day. I stared at the day for a long while before finally tearing my eyes away. That's what happened every year, I guess it was my symbolism of moving on with my life and not letting that one tragedy stop me completly.

I was pretty much done with getting ready so I got my backpack and headed downstairs. I was surprised my Dad was up because he usually stayed in late on this day. "Hi Daddy," I said. He nodded his head toward me in acknowledgement.

"You ready for school Bud?" He asked. I nodded and he got his car keys. The car ride to school was silent, it usually was. He dropped me off in front of the school. We said bye to each other and I closed the car door. I turned around and walked into the school. I looked around at everybody in the halls. Most of them were so lucky to have both parents to care for them. I sighed and headed to my locker. I started pulling out the text books and note books for my first three periods. I heard a noise behind me and turned to find Lilly running towards me. Behind her was Oliver.

"LILLY! GET BACK HERE AND GIVE ME MY DAMN MUFFIN!" Oliver yelled. I rolled my eyes. Leave it to Oliver to make such a big deal out of a muffin. I watched them run about, it was highly entertaining.

"Oh, is this was you want Ollie?" Lilly taunted as she waved the muffin around in the air. She brought it to her mouth and acted like she was about to take a bite.

"Lilly, don't you DARE eat my muffin!" Oliver yelled as he made a desperate dive for the pastry. Lilly pulled it out of arm's reach. "Come on Lilly! I'm hungry and you know how much I like muffins!" He begged. Lilly sighed and handed him his breakfast. He made a girly squeal of joy and took a monsterous bite out of it. "Bey Mibey," He said as he finally noticed me.

"Swallow first then try to talk," I said to him. He attempted a smile but somehow didn't manage. Gee, I wonder why...I shook my head and turned to Lilly. "So...Lilly," She gave me wary look.

"Yeah...?"

"How was your date with Jackson?" I asked with an innocent smile. She looked surprised that I knew and Oliver...Oliver nearly choked to death on his muffin.

"J-J-Jackson?!" He asked,"Woah, when did this happen?" We both turned to look at Lilly.

"Uh, well...yesterday was our first date, and that went pretty good. Actually, it went _very_ good. I didn't know Jackson could be such a gentleman," She repiled.

"That's good," I said. Oliver looked very surprised to say the least.

"So, what are you doing after school?" Lilly asked me. I didn't expect her to remember what today was or that my family always went to visit the grave we had set up for my mom here in Malibu. I sighed.

"Going to the cementary," I said in a low voice. Both of them looked like they had just remembered, which they probably did.

"Oh..." They shifted around. Awkward. Fortunatly the bell rang and we were spared from anymore of the awkwardness. We headed towards first period.

At Lunch...

"Finally!" Lilly cried as we came out of our classroom. "Man, I'm so hungry!" She exclaimed. I heard her stomache grumble loudy. We meet up with Oliver and headed to the lunch lines. Once we got our lunch we headed to a table.

"Excuse me but you dorks are at our table," Someone behind us said. I turned around and scowled. Amber and Ashley. Of course they would want this table.

"Oh, don't let us bother you, there's plenty of other tables if you want," I said to them.

"Well, we want this one, so move you damn hillbilly," Amber said. The three of us looked at each other. We were pretty much done eating so we got up.

"Come on, let's go before their horrible fashion sense kills us," I said. Lilly and Oliver laughed at that. Ashley glared at me.

"Don't be talking about fashion when you look like that. Who dresses you? Your Mother?" The three of us stopped laughing.

"Don't talk about my mom," I said in a low, dangerous voice. Ashley smirked, she clearly had no intention of stopping now that she had some ammunition to use against me.

"Why should I? I bet she's just as badly dressed as you, probably even worse." She fired at me. I clenched my fist.

"She's probably too stupid to know how to put on pants the right way," Amber joined in. I tried to ignore it and walk away.

"She's too stupid to do anything, which is good for her because she's so fat she can't even move!" I stopped. I turned to look at Ashley with a burning hatred. She laughed cruely. "She's so fat that..." And that's as far as she got because I tackled her to the ground. I punched her in the face.

"You BITCH!" I hit her again. "Don't you ever talk about my mom like that EVER AGAIN!" I emphasized every other word with a punch. I hit her with as much force and speed as I could. She was crying out for help. Oliver and Lilly each tried to grab me and pull me off of Ashley but somehow they couldn't. I hit a solid punch to Ashley's nose. It made a sickening crunch as blood started gushing from it. I suddenly felt someone pick me off of Ashley and hold on to me. I struggled to break free. I wanted to hurt Ashley as much as possible. I really felt like kicking her in the ribs over and over again. No one has the right to talk about my mom like that! NO ONE!

I stopped struggling when I realised that I couldn't break free. One of the security guards was holding on to me. A few teachers were over by Ashley and checking her nose. The principle came and told us to come to his office. Ashley had a wad of paper towels pressed to her still bleeding nose. We sat down in the chairs in Mr. Caberra's office.

"So what happened?" He asked us. Ashley went first, telling her story so it made her seem like she did nothing wrong and was purly a victim.

"What?! That's not true!" I exclaimed,"Mr. Caberra, she was taunting me! She was saying all these horrible things about my mom!"

"Why didn't you just ignore her then?" He asked. "Why'd you let it get to you so badly?"

"I couldn't ignore her! And it kind of hurt a lot to hear someone talk about my mom like that when she's dead and today is the exact day she died 4 years ago." I said. Ashley's mood changed when I said that.

"I'm very sorry to hear that Miss Stewart but I'm afraid that I'm going to have to suspend you," He said.

"What? What about Ashley? She should get something for insulting my mom like that!" I exclaimed.

"And she will. She's going to get 3 days of SRC." I closed my eyes. This was so unfair. All she got was SRC, ugh! " Now I want you to apologize to each other. Ashley, you first." Mr. Caberra said. Ashley turned to me.

"Miley, I'm really sorry. I didn't know..." She said. I nodded my head once in acknowledgement.

"I'm sorry for hitting you Ashley," I said even though I really wasn't. Once everything else that needed to be done was done, we were dismissed. My Dad was apparently waiting for me at the front of the office. Me and Ashley walked out of Mr. Caberra's office. She looked at me.

"Miley, I really am sorry. I wouldn't have said anything if I..." I cut her off.

"Just back the fuck off Ashley," I said as I walked past her to the front of the office. I walk up to my Dad and he leads me to the car. At first we drive in silence then my Dad speaks up.

"What the heck were you thinking Miley? Don't you know that you're never supposed to use violence to settle issues? Didn't I teach you better than that? What did the principle give you?" His voice was low but his words were sharp.

"I got suspended." I answered while looking out the window.

"For how long?"

"Two days," (A/N: I don't really know how long you get suspended for fighting since it's never happened to me so that's what it'll be) He sighed.

"I don't know what to say or do. I never thought one of my kids would actually get into a fist fight," He said.

"Dad, you weren't there! You don't know what happened," I said. He looked at me briefly before looking at the road again.

"Then what did happen? Huh, explain to me Miley because I would really like to know," He said in a sharp tone of voice.

"She was insulting my mom! That's the lowest thing anyone could do, especially today! That's the only thing that could make me mad enough to hurt someone." His grip tightened on the steering wheel.

"Even so, you should have ignored her and walked away," He said.

"I tried to Dad but it's not like I can just turn off my hearing," The southern accent in my voice was coming out more.

"Enough, I don't want to talk about this anymore. When we get home I want you to go straight to your room," His accent was becoming more noticeable too.

"I was going there anyway," I muttered. I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the window. Man, what I'd do for a blade right now. We got home soon after that. I was glad when we pulled into the driveway 'cause I didn't want to be in the car with my Dad for much longer. I waited for him to unlock the front door and as soon as he did I went upstairs. I threw my backpack on the bed and headed straight for my closet. I got my box full of sharp objects and pulled a switch blade out. Don't ask how I got it cause I would never tell you. It was probably the sharpest thing in that box, and that was saying something.

I quickly rolled up my right sleeve and pressed the blade against my skin. I put more and more pressure until it broke the skin and red blood came rushing into view. Then, I slowly slid it down, leaving a crimson trail following behind. It went on to two inches before I moved to make a new cut. This one was on my left arm, really close to the elbow. It went diagonally until it almost touched a vein. I didn't want to cut a vein...not yet. I watched the blood slowly slide down my arm and drip into the box, making a collective pool of dark red that was ever growing. I wanted it to just bleed forever but I eventually had to clean it up.

I didn't feel settled so I went to make another slash across my arm but this time I used a dull razor. It'd cause more pain that way. I narrowed my eyes slightly as I dragged it down half the length of my arm. It was probably the longest scar I've ever made. There, that felt better now. I reached for the cotton swabs and peroxide to clean everything up. I cursed myself as I noticed drops of blood on the carpet. Fuck, those would turn into stains. I tried to get as much out as possible. Once everything was done and the carpet was as clean as I could possibly get it, I put everything away and put the box back into its hiding place.

I headed back into my room and tiredly threw myself on the bed. I felt lightheaded, maybe I let myself bleed too much. I shook the thought off as I difted off into a fitful sleep.

Sometime later... 

"Wake up. Miles, get up, we're leaving," Jackson said as he shook me.

"Wha-?" I muttered groggily. He stopped shaking me.

"Get up, we're leaving to the cementary in ten minutes."

"Ok," I said as I sat up. He left my room. I stood up and streched. I took a look at my arms and noticed that a small spot of blood was starting to go though the bandage wrapped around my left arm. I sighed and rolled the sleeve back down. I'd deal with that later. I fixed my hair since it got messed up when I was asleep and headed downstairs. Jackson and I got there at the same time. My Dad turned towards the door and led the way to the car. We all climbed in and drove off in silence. I stared out the window and watched the scenery pass by.

We got to the cementary and my Dad parked the car. All of us got out and headed towards the grave marker.(A/n: Does anyone know what the plaque things are called? You know, the ones that are in the ground and say the person's name and...stuff?) My Dad kneeled down and silently said what he wanted to. Jackson did the same. Then me.

_I'm sorry for everything, Mom. For fighting, for cutting, for hating myself at times. I wish you were here. I miss you so much. I wish you could've came to Malibu with us._ I went on a bit more. When I was done I got up. My Dad put down a single white rose. We all stood there for a long time. Then we finally moved and went back to the car. We drove back to the house. When we got home I went to my room again and let the tears come.

**A/N:** Ugh, I don't like how the grave scene came out but that's the best I could do. This chapter seems even longer than the last one, I'll have to check on that. I made a song reference a couple paragraphs back, around the part where Miley is about to cut herself. First one to guess can ask me any question about the story and I will answer truthfully...I'll give you a hint:The band that sings the song is listed in my profile. Hope you guys ejoyed this chapter because I wrote about 2/3 of it yesterday. It was like my brain just exploded with ideas to put in here. Please reveiw people.

_"Now I'm standing on the roof top ready to fall. I think I'm at the edge now but I could be wrong."-Rise Against_


	5. Over The Edge

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hannah Montana. Warning: More blood in here...**

Last Resort, First Relief

Suspension was not fun. What did you think? I was grounded to my room and when I did come out occasionally my Dad would sometimes give me these really disappointed looks that kind of stung. It sucked, I couldn't use the phone, computer, tv, or stereo! I was lucky not to get my iPod taken away. That was basically all I had, my iPod...and my assortment of sharp objects hidden in my Hannah closet. Cutting really spiked up on those two days. On the second day, during dinner, a really fresh cut started bleeding again and I practically ran to the bathroom to stem the flow. It was a good thing that I was wearing a sweater because it had bled through the sleeve of my shirt.

Now I was getting ready for my first day back. I was really glad that the weather was already starting to cool off so I could wear a sweater without being questioned. I didn't want to take any chances with any of the cuts, all of which were barely scabbed over. I put on a long sleeve red shirt with a black sweater over it and faded jeans with my red low-top Converse. I straightened my hair and put on makeup. I grabbed my bag and headed downstairs. Jackson was giving me a ride to school today so I waited on the couch while he finished up his Honey Bunches of Oats.(A/n:I love that cereal!)

When we got there he parked his car and both of us got out. For a moment there I forgot that we went to the same high school. "See ya' Miles. Don't take long after school or I'm gonna leave you to walk home." Jackson said.

"Whatever," I replied as I walked towards the building. He ran off to the spot where his friends usually were in the morning. I went to my locker and opened it. I was suddenly blinded by a pair of hands covering my eyes.

"Guess who?" said the person.

"Umm...the Muffin Man?" I joked. They gasped and removed their hands. I turned and saw Lilly, I knew it was her.

"Do I really look like a man?" She asked jokingly.

"Technically, I didn't see you."

"Do I really sound like a man, then," She said. I put my hand to my chin as I pretended to think about it.

"Hmmm...let me see..."

"Miley!"

"I'm joking Lilly, don't go all emo on me." We started laughing.

"I'm glad you're back." She said. I nodded.

"Me too. What's happened in those two days?" I asked. Hey, a lot can go down in just two days!

"Everyone's been talking about the fight. Man, have you seen Ashley yet?!" I shook my head. "Man, you really beat her up! She has a black eye and...Oh, there she is!" Lilly exclaimed as Ashley came down the hallway. Wow, I really _did_ beat her up. Like Lilly said, she had a black eye and her nose...well, let's just say she didn't...have the same face as before. There were several other smaller bruises spead randomly on her face. I have good reason to suspect that she probably had bruises on her shoulders...She saw me there and quickly avoided her gaze and hurried down the hall. I watched her and she speed off. I looked at Lilly and smiled slightly.

"I think she's scared of me!" I stated incrediously. Lilly looked back at me and nodded slowly. "This is something new."

"Boy is it! You've made a new reputation for yourself at high school!" She was right. Last year no one would've thought I would hit anyone. In fact, I was a goody-goody in middle school and suddenly I'm getting in a fight with Ashley and winning! I guess high school really did change alot of things.

"Where's Oliver and Jake?" I asked. She pointed behind me and I turned to see Jake looking like he was about to jump on me.

"Man Lilly! You ruined it!" Jake exclaimed. Lilly smiled innocently. Jake shook his head then looked at me. "Hey, I'm glad you're back."

"I'm glad I'm back too," I replied. I gave him a short kiss. Just then Oliver came, uh, sliding up?(A/N: If you've ever seen Phil of the Future you'll know where I got this from.)What the heck! Why was he sliding on the floor? I looked at him with raised eyebrows. He stood up and smiled at me. I was about to ask but decided I'd rather not know.

"Sup Miles?" He greeted.

"Hey, Oliver..." I said. All four of us started a conversation and we talked until the bell rang and we had to get to class. We walked in and sat at our assigned seats. Mr. Correli noticed that I was back.

"Ah, Miss Stewart, I see you're back now. See me after class, I have your missed work all ready," He said. I sighed then nodded. "Ok, then. Now class..." I zoned out, which probably wasn't good since I missed two days already but I didn't get caught so whatever.

7th period...

I sat in Home Ec. desperately wanting the bell to ring. I wasn't in a very good mood. In 5th I had started to get depressed and feeling really, really low. We were in partners, making Snickerdoodles, and my partner, Jessica, was telling me some stupid story that was supposed to be funny. I just laughed at whatever parts she did and put on a fake smile when really I felt like I was dying inside. Man, I wish she would shut the hell up. I was starting to sport a heacache. I'd probably kill myself just to get rid of it. Not really, it's a figure of speech. As soon as the bell rang I helped get the cookies out of the oven then I was out of there! I decided to go see Jake before I left so I headed to the video production lab, which was way on the other side of school. Lucky me...

**Lilly's Pov**

"Lilly, before you go home, do you think you can drop this off in the vid. lab? It's footage of the Boy's Football game," Mr. Diaz asked me as I was starting to leave the Art classroom.

"Sure, no problem," I said. He thanked me and handed me the tape. I walked out and was glad that my class was really close to the vid. lab. I knocked on the door, which was slightly ajar, and looked inside. Jake was sitting down editing some project or something. He looked up as I came in.

"Oh, hey Lilly, what cha' need?" He asked. I held up the tape.

"Mr. Diaz told me to give this to you. It's yesterday's football game." Jake nodded.

"Yeah, he told me he needed me to edit it for the morning announcements." I set the tape down and the table he was at.

"Ok, then, see you tomorrow," I said as I headed for the door. I stopped as he put his hand down on my shoulder and turned me around.

"Don't go yet, I don't want you to leave." He was really close to me. Too close for comfort.

"Jake, what're you doing? Let me go, I have to get home." He leaned in closer to me. "Jake stop, what the heck are you doing? You have a girlfriend. What about Miley?" I was going to say more but I was stopped by Jake's lips crashing against my own. I was frozen stiff with shock and the suddeness of it.

_STOP, STOP ,STOP!_ I was yelling to myself but somehow I couldn't make myself move. I heard a gasp from the door and was finally able to pull away from Jake's sudden kiss. I turned and saw Miley standing there. She looked shattered, broken. "How could you?" She yelled before running off.

"Miley, wait!" I called and tried to run after her but Jake stopped me again and tried to kiss me _again_. I slapped him with all my strength and took off after Miley.

**Miley's POV**

I ran, harder than I've ever ran in all my life. My vision was blurred by my tears. I was already feeling horrible enough, I didn't need this to happen! I can't believe Lilly would do that to me! A voice in the back of my head was telling me that there was something wrong about what I'd just seen. Of course there was something wrong, it was my boyfriend and my best friend kissing! Tears ran down my face. I heard Lilly call me and attempt to catch up to me. I ran faster. Just what I needed right now! Fuck! I actually ran all the way home, which was quite a distance. I slammed the door shut behind me as I walked in. Jackson came in from the backyard.

"Lilly just called me. She told me what happened." He told me.

"What'd she say?"

"She said it was Jake who kissed her not the other way around."

"Sure, right." I said sarcastically

"You sayin you don't believe her? It Jake's fault. You know, if you could hold on to your men better this probably wouldn't have happened." Jackson said.

"So you're saying this is _my_ fault?!" I can't believe he would try to blame me!

"I'm just saying, he wouldn't do anything if..." I ignored him and went upstairs. How the hell was this my fault? "Miley, I'm talking to you!" Jackson yelled up the stairs.

"Why should I care?" I yelled back down.

"Don't ignore me, dammit!" He cried angrily

I did anyways. I didn't need this, any of it. Lilly, Jake, Jackson...I held a hand to my head. I had an even worse headache and heartache. I couldn't take it anymore! This pushed me past my limits and over the edge. I was broken now and there was only one thing I could think of doing. I ran into my room and got out the sharpest razor I had. I would take my life. I went into the bathroom instead of doing it in the closet. Why? I don't know. I locked the door and rolled up my sleeves. I went crazy with the razor blade, slicing and cutting both my arms everywhere possible. I only slowed down to make a clear cut across both my wrists, nice and deep. There was blood everywhere.

I heard knocking on the door. "Miley, open up! I want to talk to you," Jackson called. Hold on a moment, I'm trying to kill myself. I ignored him and watched my arms bleed heavily. I let out a dry chuckle as my vision started fading around the edges. To say I felt lightheaded would be an understatement. There were thick, dark puddles of blood on the floor. My awareness was fading fast. I was only distantly aware of Jackson still telling me to open the door. I couldn't hold on anymore. My body went limp and I fell to the side as I lost consiousness...

**No Pov**

"I think she's coming around. Miley? Miley, can you hear me?" A deep male voice asked. Miley's world slowly came into focus. She looked to her right and saw a doctor. To her left was a nurse. "Good, you're awake. You gave us a huge scare there, we weren't sure if you were going to make it. How do you feel right now?" How did she feel? She didn't.

"I...don't feel anything," She answered truthfully. He frowned slightly. The doctor wrote something down on a clipboard he had.

"Really? Nothing at all?" She yawned.

"Sleepy." He nodded.

"Well, why don't you get some rest and I'll notify your family and friends that you've regained consiousness." She nodded.

"Who exactly is here? And what time it is?" She asked as she fixed the pillow.

"It's 8:30 AM and your dad, brother, a girl named Lilly, and two boys, one named Oliver and the other Jake Ryan, are here." She groaned as he said Jake's name but it was so quite he didn't hear. "I'm Dr. Kelstine, by the way." He said as he and the nurse turned to leave. She nodded and layed back down on the bed and drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

In The Waiting Room...

Jackson was pretending to be asleep but he was really beating hisself up mentally. He felt really bad for trying to blame Miley for the Lilly-Jake thing. He was a horrible brother. He opened his eyes slightly and looked down at Lilly. She was leaning against him and he had his arm around her waist. She was lucky, she had actually gotten some sleep. His Dad was sitting in the chair just looking at the ceiling. Oliver and Jake were awake too but they were both just staring off into space. He touched a hand to his forehead as he leaned his head back against the chair. He had one hell of a headache.

He happened to look to his left and saw Dr. Kelstine walking towards them. He gently let go of Lilly and stood up. His Dad looked at him then noticed the doctor. They walked towards him. "What's the news?" Mr. Stewart asked hopefully.

"I'm happy to say that Miley woke up about 15 minutes ago." Dr. Kelstine said.

"Thank God! How was she?" Mr. Stewart asked relived.

"She seemed fine. Her condition is stable. She said she was tired so I told her to go to sleep," The doctor replied.

"When can we see her?" Jackson asked.

"When she wakes up again, if she feels like it, you'll be able to see her."

"Thanks," Jackson said. He and his Dad walked back over to their little group. Immeadiately, everyone stood up and asked the same question: How is she? "Dr. Kelstine says she's doing good and that she actually woke up a couple minutes ago," Jackson said. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. "Dr. Kelstine says we can she her when she wakes up, if she feels like it."

"If she feels like it?" Lilly asked. Jackson shrugged.

"If she feels good enough?" He suggested. Everyone sat down again. After a few mintues Mr. Stewart spoke up.

"Anyone hungry?" Everyone looked at him. "What? You kids have to eat. When was the last time you ate? Yesterday at lunch?" As if in answer, Oliver's stomache grumbled loudly. "That settles it! We're going to eat." So everybody got up and headed towards the cafeteria.

Room 208...

Miley had woken up again a few mintues ago. She was laying on her side, looking out of the window in her room. Judging by how it looked outside, she guessed it was around 10 or 11. She watched as the wind ruffled the leaves of a tree outside. Really, she was thinking about...well, everything. What was she going to tell everyone? How was she going to face them? Would-no-could everthing go back to normal? She ran a hand through her hair. She wished she had her iPod right now, she felt musically deprived. Music was pratically the most important thing in the world to her. She sat up as the door opened.

"Oh good, you're awake," said a nurse as she walked in carrying a tray of food. It was the same nurse that was there the first time Miley woke up. "I didn't want to have to wake you myself. Brought you some food incase you're hungry."

"Thanks..." Miley said awkwardly. The nurse handed Miley the tray, which Miley balanced on her lap. The nurse went around checking all kinds of stuff while Miley contemplated on eating the food or not.

"Are you even hungry?" The nurse asked when she saw that Miley hadn't touched anything. Miley shrugged. "At least eat the muffin, it's banana nut." She said in a sing-song tone of voice. Miley laughed.

"Fine then," She said as she picked up the muffin and took off the paper around it.

"Let me see your arms; I need to change the bandages," The nurse asked. Miley held out her left arm first as she took a bite out of her muffin.

"What's your name?" Miley asked her.

"Liz," She responded as she started to unwrap the bandage around Miley's wrist.

"How old are you? You look really young." Which was true.

"I turn 22 in October. How old are you?" Liz said as she continued her work.

"I turn 15 in November."

"Really?" Liz finished up with Miley's left arm. "Other arm. What day is your b-day?"

Miley held out her right arm and swallowed the muffin in her mouth before answering. "November 23rd." She put the last peice of muffin in her mouth.

"That's cool. So, how's school?" Liz asked.

"I'm pulling good grades, if that's what you mean," Miley answered. Liz finished with Miley's right arm.

"What else would I mean?" Miley shrugged. "I talked to your brother earlier." Liz said randomly.

"Really?" Liz nodded and sat down on a chair that was in the room.

"Yeah, he was in the cafeteria."

"Oh..." Moment of silence. Liz stood up.

"I think I gotta get back to work." She said as she walked towards the door.

"Wait, do you know when I get out?" Miley asked. Liz stopped and thought about it.

"Well, everything seems to be going fine. Probably tomorrow or the day after." Miley nodded.

"Ok, thanks." Liz nodded and walked out. Miley ate somemore of the breakfast on the tray until she was full. There was a knock on the door and Dr. Kelstine came in.

"Hello Miley. You have a nice sleep?" He asked in a friendly tone. Miley nodded. He noticed the changed bandages wrapped around her wrists. "I see Liz has been here already," He said as he also noticed the food tray. "Well, your family and friends want to know if they can come see you. Would that be okay?" Miley paused for a moment.

"Yeah, that'd be fine." Dr. Kelstine nodded.

"They'll be here momentarily," He said as he walked out of the room. Miley looked up at the ceiling as she thought about what to say.

**A/N:** There you go, a really long chapter. Liz was based on my sister, who really does work at a hospital. Well, the story has picked up from chapter one and you know that Miley lives! Lol, stay tuned for a few awkward talks and stuff like that. Please reveiw because I love when you all reveiw:D

_"Death will make your dream past tense, your hopes fly high and your life makes sense"-Enjoy the Veiw;Aiden_


	6. Admitting Everything

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hannah Montana. **

Last Resort, First Relief

Everyone was in the waiting room being bored. Let's face it, hospitals are _never_ fun. The four teenagers were having a competetive game of Rock, Paper, Scissors and Jackson was winning. Mr. Stewart watched them and shook his head and made a mental note to bring a PSP or something next time.

"Ha ha! Beat you again Oken!"

"What?! No way Jackson!"

"Yeah, paper beats rock."

"Shut up Lilly...and that wasn't rock...it was the hover-er."

"What the heck is that?" Jackson cried.

"It's the thing that hovers, duh!"

"Oliver, that's not a real thing!" Lilly said.

"Sure, take your boyfriend's side!" Oliver said and stuck his tounge out at Lilly. Lilly did the same.

"Really mature guys." Mr. Stewart said. Both kids smiled at him and started laughing. Then...the doctor came. Everyone looked at him.

"Umm..." He seemed nervous by all the stares. "Miley's awake again and she says it's ok if you were to see her...but one at a time!" Dr. Kelstine said as everybody got up. Naturally, Mr. Stewart went first. He paused outside of her door. "It's ok, just knock and go in." Dr. Kelstine said.

"Don't you have other paitents?" Robbie said in an annoyed tone. Dr. Kelstin held up his hands in defense and headed towards another room. _Ok, you can do this, no pressure. On three, one...two...three_ He thought to hisself. He knocked on the door.

"Umm...you can come in..." He heard Miley's voice on the other side. He opened the door and saw Miley sitting on the bed. She smiled at him. "Hey Daddy!" She said cheerfully. He smiled back at her.

"Hey Bud, how you doing?" He asked as he sat down on a chair near her bed. She shrugged.

"Okay I guess...I'll tell you one thing though, I _really_ wish I had my iPod or a radio or something," She said. He chuckled.

"Yeah, it can get boring in here huh? Out in the waiting room Jackson, Lilly, and Oliver are getting into arguements over Rock, Paper, Scissors." Miley rolled her eyes.

"Another thing, I don't really like the food. All I ate this morning was a banana nut muffin, everything else didn't look too edible(sp?)."

"Well, tell you what, next time I'll sneak you in some Mcdonalds. How does that sound?" He said humoriously.

"Perfect!" A bit of awkward silence.

"So, has anyone said anything to you?" Mr. Stewart asked.

"Liz said I might get out tomorrow or the day after," Miley answered. Robbie smiled.

"That's great! Between you and me, I don't really like spending all this time in a hospital. The chairs are uncomfortable to be in all night." He said. Miley looked surprised.

"You guys were waiting here all night?" Robbie gave her a weird look.

"Of course! You don't think we'd just call an ambulance then sit on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and watch a movie. We were worried about you! What, did you think we didn't care or what?" He said in a surprised tone of voice. Miley didn't say anything. "Miles, you don't seriously think that we don't care about you, do you?" Again, Miley said nothing. "Of course we care, me, Jackson, Lilly, Oliver, Jake. We all care about you Miley."

"Not Jake." Robbie looked surprised.

"What? If he didn't care about you then why did he wait with us all night to hear if you were going to be alright?"

"Because he feels responsible for what happened," Miley replied. Robbie shook his head.

"Miley, he's your boyfriend, of course he'll try to find a way to blame himself but he's just worried."

"Forget it Dad," Miley said. Mr. Stewart tried to think of things to say while Miley ran her fingers over the bandages on her wrists as she thought about Jake and all the drama he and Lilly cause. She wasn't sure who to believe yet. Finally, Mr. S thought of something to say, he just didn't know how to word it.

"So...have they said anything to you about what'll happen after you get out?" Miley sighed.

"I heard something about therapy." Robbie looked confused.

"Therapy?" Miley nodded.

"For my 'severe' depression, 'mild' trama, and self abuse." Robbie looked shocked and sad.

"Self abuse? You mean this...this isn't the...the first..." He was having a hard time talking. Miley started to mess around with the bandages again.

"No, Dad, this isn't the first time I've cut myself with a razor, or anything sharp for that matter," She said while looking at her arms where many scars were visible.

"What? Why? When? How come I never noticed anything?"

"Nobody ever noticed anything. I would always wear long sleeves and when I didn't I would use makeup to cover up my arms." She held her arms out so he could see every single cut and scar and slash that she had given herself over the course of almost 4 years. He winced noticeably.

"But...why?" Was all he managed to say.

"Like the doctors figured out, I was, and am, depressed."

"But...it never seemed like it! You were always happy and energetic and smiling. You never once showed a sign that you were unhappy!" Miley shook her head slightly.

"What can I say Dad? I'm a really good actress," She said sadly. He looked at her sadly.

"But what do you have to be unhappy about?" Miley looked down.

"Recently? Not too much but there was a lot of stuff before." He gave her another confused look. "Remember when I was 10?" Was all she said. He got a knowing look. That was such a horrible year for her. He had thought she had gotten over that but obviously he was wrong. She was scarred by it, both physically, mentally, and emotionally.

"That's horrible..." He said softly. "Do you...are you...?" He started. Miley knew what he was trying to say.

"No Dad, I think I'm done with cutting." She answered.

"Why..cutting? When did it start?" He asked. She didn't even have to think about it.

"Remember when we first moved here and I was opening the boxes?" He nodded. "Remember when I got cut by the box opener?" Again, he nodded. "Yeah, well, that was the first cut ever. It was the one that started it all."

"But why Miley? Please tell me," He begged. It hurt Miley to see him like this. It hurt even more to know that she was the cause of his pain.

"Because cutting gave me the release that I needed. Whenever I was feeling overwhelmed or scared I would cut myself and feel almost instantly better. It was like all my emotions would build up and needed to get out or I'd explode and whenever the blade or razor or whatever I would use would pierce my skin and I'd see the blood start to come out it would feel like all those emotion were flowing out and would feel better, so much better." She said. Her dad was shocked. He just couldn't understand it. He couldn't grasp the concept that his daughter was so depressed that she'd go as far as to cut herself. He had one more question.

"How'd you, cut yourself? Where'd you find something to do it with?" He asked. Miley finally looked at him.

"I...have a...uh...assortment of, uh, things at home..."

"What kinds of 'things'?"

"Sharp things. Mainly razor blades, but there's other things in there too."

"And where exactly are these 'things'?" Miley blushed and looked down.

"Uhh...I don't exactly want to tell you..." He was confused.

"Why not?"

"Because it's kind of an embarrassing thing to tell your dad..."

"Oh, ok..." He said. Miley was still blushing when Dr. Kelstine came in.

"Mr. Stewart? Miss Stewart? Jackson would like to know if he can see his sister now," He said. Mr. Stewart nodded and stood up.

"Yeah, I guess he can have his turn now. See you later Miles," He said as he walked towards the door.

"Bye Daddy," She replied. He looked at her and gave her a smile before walking out. She laid back down as she thought about her talk with her dad. _Well, at least I'm not hiding anything from him anymore,_ She thought. She sat up again as she heard a knock at the door. She prepared herself to see her brother, her savior.

**A/n:** There was her talk with her dad. Man, there was a lot of dialouge. The nest few chappies will be like that as they come to see Miley. Obviously Jackson's next. How do you think they'll feel talking to each other after Jackson saved her from dying?


	7. I'm not going anywhere

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hannah Montana. **

Last Resort, First Relief

Jackson did a quick two-tap knock and came in. He closed the door behind him and rushed over to Miley. He pulled her into a tight hug. Miley wasn't sure what to do so she just hugged him back awkwardly. He pulled back but kept his hands on her shoulders. Miley was surprised to see unshed tears in his eyes. She had never seen him cry, not even when their mom died. At the funeral he jammed his hands in his pocket and bent his head so his hair covered his face. After, when they got home, he got so mad that he punched through a window and busted up his hand on glass. He gripped her shoulders tightly and shook her a bit.

"Don't you EVER scare me like that again Miley, you hear me? God, do you know how close we were to losing you?! The doctors weren't even sure if you were going to make it through the night!" Jackson said, his voice wavering with emotion. "Don't ever make me go through a night wondering if you're dead or alive, I don't think I'd be able to take it! I NEVER want to have to go through life not having a sister anymore." Miley was shocked. Before this she had never know that Jackson cared about her so much. She realized she was crying too as she felt a tear make its way down her cheek and drip off onto her arm. She didn't know what else to do so she pulled Jackson into another tight hug. "Pease don't ever leave me Miley," He whispered to her.

"Don't worry Jackson, I'm not going anywhere, not now, not ever," She whispered back to him.

"Good, cause I don't know what'd I do without you," He admitted. He pulled away from the hug gently. He chuckled. "Look at us, crying like a bunch of babies," He said as he wiped a tear away from Miley's cheek. Miley smiled as he pulled up a chair and sat down. He sniffed and wiped the rest of his tears away. "Listen, Miles, I'm sorry," He said. She blinked.

"For what?" He sighed.

"For trying to blame you for what went on between Lilly and Jake. It's not your fault, I was just mad that someone would actually kiss Lilly when I was going out with her." Miley understood.

"It's okay Jackson, but I wanna get your opinion on it, who kissed who?" She asked

"Jake. Jake kissed Lilly," He answered. Miley nodded. Just then she remembered something Jackson said a litlle bit ago. _Do you know how close we were to losing you?_ How close was she?

"J-Jackson?" He nodded his head once. "H-how...close was I...to...to d-dying?" She stammered.

"I'm not sure, but close enough that even the doctors weren't sure if you were going to make it through the night..." He trailed off. Again, Miley was shocked. She was seriously that close to being dead? She had never thought she'd get that far...had she?

"Wow...that's scary..." She said. Jackson nodded.

"Imagine how scary it was for me to find you bleeding on the bathroom floor. That was seriously the most terrifying experience of my life," He said. She looked down.

"I'm sorry," She said.

"You don't have to be sorry, just promise me it'll never happen again," Jackson said sincerly. Miley looked him straight in the eye.

"I promise, never again," She said honestly. She never wanted to repeat this experience again.

"W-why did you do it?" Jackson asked in a low, shakey voice. Miley sighed and laid back down. What should she say? She didn't want to go through the whole explaining thing but then again Jackson was her brother and the person who saved her, he deserved to know. Miley just didn't want to tell him. She didn't want to tell him the whole truth behind the story. Would he be better off not knowing? One look at him told her that he _needed_ to know. Otherwise he'd be confused and every time he would look at her he would think of why she had done it.

"To be short...I was depressed, seriously depressed," She answered. The look on his face tole her he wanted to know more. "Somethings just stick with you sometimes, you know?" She said. Jackson looked down at his hand where a jagged line ran across his knuckles from years ago when he had punched through a window. He nodded.

"I know." He said.

"Yeah, well, when yours went away fast enough mine stayed with me and I guess it's still with me," Miley said. Jackson looked at her sadly.

"So you coped with it by cutting yourself?" He asked. She nodded slowly. "I don't understand how that can help." She sighed.

"I didn't expect you would. I don't think anyone can understand it unless they've done it themselves. It's hard to describe but once it happened the first time it got addictive, like a drug or something. It felt like the world was caving in on me and that was the only thing that could help me out," She admitted.

"Did you ever try talking to someone? You know I would've listened or Dad. Heck, anyone would've sat down and just talked with you. That's much better than resorting to a sharp object," Jackson said.

"I know that now but I guess it's too late." Jackson looked down at her arms. He stood up.

"Can I see?" He asked tentatively. She nodded. He walked over to her and picked up her right arm. He winced at all scars and cuts. "Didn't it hurt?" He asked as he gazed at her mutilated arms. Miley looked down.

"Of course it did but that's what I wanted. I liked the pain, it distracted from everything else," She answered. He let go of her arm and sighed.

"I still just don't understand it. It's just hard to believe that my little sister would do that," Jackson said. Miley kept looking down. He was dissapointed in her but then again, she'd feel the same way if she was in his position. She sighed.

"Therapy is really going to suck..." She said, "but it could help at least." Jackson nodded even though she still wasn't looking at him. There was a knock at the door and both turned to look at it.

"Other people would like to see her too you know," They heard Lilly's voice from the other side. Jackson and Miley looked at each other and a slow smile spread on Miley's face.

"Then come in and don't wait around outside!" Miley yelled back cheerfully. The door opened and Lilly came running in. She basically threw herself at Miley and attacked her in a hug, which Miley returned. Jackson smiled at the two.

"I'll just be going," He said and left, closing the door behind him. The two girls pulled apart from the hug and smiled.

"How are you sister?" Lilly and Miley said at the same time. They laughed. "Seriously though, how are you doing?" Lilly asked. Miley shrugged.

"I'm fine I guess," She answered, "Just a little bit bored." Lilly nodded. Lilly bit her lower lip. She despretly wanted to tell Miley that she _didn't_ kiss Jake, that he had kissed her but she didn't feel like it was right to just spring it on her suddenly. Miley could tell that that was what Lilly wanted to talk about so she brought it up by subtly mentioning Jake. "So, is JAke out there?" Miley asked even though she knew the answer. Again, Lilly nodded.

"Listen, Miley, I didn't do anything with Jake! He kissed me not the other way around. I was just going to give him a video tape of the football game like Mr. Diaz told me too and while I was there Jake just suddenly grabbed me and I told him to stop because, well you know why, but he didn't listen to me and he force himself on me and I didn't..." Lilly said in a fast jumble of words.

"Lilly! Lilly, LILLY!" Miley shouted. Lilly blinked.

"What?" Miley laughed.

"Slow down a bit, will ya'? Geez, you sound like video being fast forwarded," Miley said. Lilly chuckled a bit. "Ok, Lilly, I believe you completely. It's not your fault." Lilly tilted her head to the side.

"You do? You believe _me?_" She asked to make sure. Miley nodded.

"You're my best friend and Jake is just some guy...of course I'm going to believe you!" Lilly smiled.

"Thanks...so what're you going to do about Jake?" She asked. Miley gave her a look.

"What do ya' think? He's gonna ask for another chance and I'm not going to give it to him. If he did it once what's going to stop him from doing it a second time?" Miley said. Lilly nodded understandibly. There was a moment of silence then Miley's stomache growled loudly. Both girls looked at her stomache then at each other. They burst out laughing. "I think I need to eat something," Miley said.

"Didn't you eat breakfast?" Lilly asked.

"Only a muffin," Lilly gave her a look, "It was banana nut...? Ok, ok, I'll eat more next time but I don't really like the food here," Miley said. Lilly smiled and nodded. Lilly finally sat down on the chair and her and Miley started talking about things. Anything. They talked about anything except about the reason Miley was in the hospital in the first place and Miley was glad for that. She didn't feel like explaining herself to Lilly. It was bad enough explaining everything to her brother and dad. Lilly was practically her sister, and they considered each other sisters, and Lilly was also a very emotional person. Miley knew that if anyone would, or could, understand her it'd be Lilly but for some reason she just didn't want to talk about it to Lilly. She would eventually though, just not now.

**A/N:** (sniffs) The Jackson/ Miley part was so touching in the beginning. Lol. I wanted to add more to the Lilly part but I didn't know what to put...D: Up next...you guessed it, Jake! I hope you guys don't mind if next chapter is a bit shorter...or if I skip Oliver's part? I don't really know what you put for Oliver so I'm just not gonna write it...hope s'okay. Please review because so far 200hannahfan4ever002 is the only one who reviews every chapter. I'm starting to get discouraged and if no one review I'll probably **discontinue** this story. That's all, thanks. Also, I added a few song lines at the end of some of the other chapters, if you want to check that out.


	8. Jake

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hannah Montana. Ok, I decided that I'm NOT going to discontinue this. I have fans and they like this fic so it keeps going until the surprise at the very end:P**

Last Resort, First Relief

Miley hugged Lilly one last time before she left. She asked her to send Jake in next. Lilly gave her a surprised look but nodded anyways. Miley laid back and sighed. She had told Lilly everything, _everything_, and, as she expected, Lilly understood better than anyone else. It felt good to tell everything to someone and have them understand and just be there for her. Knowing that there was always going to be someone there for her was like being on solid ground again.

Jake walked into the room without knocking. "Hey Miley, how are you?" He asked as he sat down on the chair.

"I'm...ok I guess," She answered. Jake nervously bounced his knee up and down.

"So, uh, what did Lilly say? About, you know, about that thing..." He finished off lamely. Miley gave him a cold stare.

"She told me the truth," Miley said simply. Jake swollowed.

"Umm, really? Like what exactly?" He said while looking out of the window.

"Like that _you_ kissed her Jake." He licked his lips.

"Oh really? Um, " He sighed, "Alright, yeah, that's the truth. I'm really sorry Miley. I really, truely am." Miley stared at him. Was he telling the truth? Was he _really_ sorry? You could never be sure with famous actor Jake Ryan. Miley thought it over as she watch Jake nervously sit and stare at random places in the room.

"Yeah, " She said finally, "I guess you really are sorry." His face lit up.

"So, uh, will you give me another chance?" He asked hopefully. Miley smiled at how excited and hopeful he looked then she shook her head.

"I'm sorry Jake but no. I don't think I can trust you anymore," She told him.

"Oh..." He said and looked down. She had expected him to argue or beg for another chance, not accept it immeaditly. He looked so sad, like a little boy denied candy. There was a few moment's silence before he spoke again. "Miley, was-was it because of me?" He asked in a small, tentative voice. He was still staring at the floor.

"Well, not entirely," She started but he interupted.

"So I was part of it."

"You...you were the breaking point. You were what pushed me over the edge, past the limits," She said. He gave a low whistle but didn't say anything. "But you weren't all of it, there was way more things than just you." He nodded slightly.

"I think I understand," He said, finally looking up. Miley shook her head.

"No, you don't understand," She said simply.

"Hey, you're not the only one who's had problems!" Jake said.

"Yeah but I bet my problems were, and are, worse," Miley countered. Jake looked crossed.

"Really now?" Miley nodded.

"Really, I don't see you cutting yourself over it Jake. Come on, let's compare scars, I'll tell you who's worse," She said looking down at her left arm,"...or maybe you just deal different." She finished even though she knew this all along.

"Maybe I do..." Miley sighed.

"Jake, do you really know what it's like to have your mom and favorite cousin die in the same year? And, also in that same year, have your best friend that was practically your sister move away so far away that she was practically as good as dead? Or, have you ever had someone cheat on you with your best friend? Can you try to imagine that hurt? Seriously Jake, you think that whatever you've been through is worse than that?"

Jake looked down again. "No, I guess not but that doesn't mean that I can't understand what you're going through." Miley raised her eyebrows but didn't say anything. "I mean, I can still sympathsize, right?"

"I don't need your sympathy." Jake heaved a heavy sigh.

"Miley, I'm just really concerned ok? You...were my girlfriend and, of course, my friend. I...I was really scared when Jackson called me and told me what happened. I really was seriously afraid that...that you were going to die..." He said. Miley was looking out the window.

"Yeah...everyone was..." She said.

"I'm just trying to understand what you're feeling..." He said in a low voice. Miley was silent for a moment.

"Jake, do you really...? You don't know what it's like...to be hurt, to feel lost..." She said, "God Jake, you've always had it easy. You've been a famous tv star since you were 10. You've always had people waiting on you hand and foot and a huge crowd of girls just waiting for you to notice them. Instead of picking them though, you picked me because I was the only one able to resist the fabulos Jake Ryan. Then I realize that I just might like you so I give you a chance and at first I thought it was great but looking back now, I see that all you really did was parade me around like I was some kind of fucking trophy. Trying to prove to everyone that Jake Ryan gets whatever he wants. Gosh, you are such a fucking bastard!"

Jake looked shocked and at a loss for words. "I-I..."

"Now that I leave you what're you going to do? Runs off to your little fan club? Hit on Lilly? Jackson would kill you if you did anything like that again. I bet at school you're going to twist it around so that people think that you broke up with me just to save face in front of everyone else. You can't let anyone know that Famous Ryan was denied what he wanted. God forbid that happen."

"Miley, I-"

"Jake, can you do me a favor and just leave? Please, I don't...just leave."

"Ok, fine...I'll go," He said angrily, "See you at school." He walked out. He stormed out of the room and through the waiting room.

"Jake, where're you going?" Oliver called after him.

"Tell her I said bye!" Was all Jake yelled back as he left. Everyone exchanged looks. What was all that about?

**A/N:** Ok, I got REALLY lazy but whatever. Next chapter Miley's out of the hospital and I dunno, maybe she's back in school already? You tell me. **Sorry it's so short!**


	9. Back To School

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hannah Montana. **

Last Resort, First Relief

Miley smoothed out her shirt and stared at her reflection in the mirror. Today she was going to school. It had been two weeks since she'd gotten out of the hospital. She could've gone back much sooner but she was scared. Afraid of the other kids reactions because according to Lilly and Oliver, word had gone around the school that Miley had tried to kill herself. No one was sure who spread the word but Miley was almost certain that it had been Jake.

Miley continued to stare at herself. Was she really ready for this? She had to be, she couldn't just hide forever. She nodded once and picked her backpack up off the floor. She went downstairs where her dad was waiting for her.

"You ready bud?" He asked. Miley nodded.

"Yeah Dad, I think I am," She replied with an attempt at a small smile. It felt fake so she just let it slip.

"Alright then, let's go," He said as he started to walk out the door. Miley followed behind him. Everyone had been so great after she'd gotten out of the hospital. They didn't bug her or anything and they all seemed to understand. They knew when was the right time to talk and when was the right time to listen. They didn't try to pressure her into talking about anything.

"Bye Daddy," Miley said as she got off of the car.

"Alright, bye Miley and remember, if you want to come home early just call me," Her dad replied. Miley nodded and closed the car door. Lilly and Oliver were already waiting for her outside the school building. They walked up to her,

"Hey Miles," Lilly greeted. Miley smiled at them.

"Wanna go in?" Oliver asked. Miley nodded. Might as well face it all now, right? The trio walked inside and headed for their lockers. Miley was glad they were all side by side because she felt like she really needed her friends to be there for her right now. Miley focused on what was straight ahead of her, trying to ignore the stares and whispers from the other students in the hallway. She took a deep breath and tried not to listen.

"Did you hear...?"

"Really? _Her_?"

"Yes, I swear..."

"No, she doesn't look..."

"I'm telling you..."

"I think she's just looking for attention..."

"Yeah...maybe you're right..."

Miley gripped the straps of her bag tighter. Talk, that's all it is, just talk. She shouldn't let it get to her. Besides, most of these people didn't even know her. They didn't know what they were talking about so it was best to just not listen to them. She bowed her head and looked at the floor. Lilly and Oliver exchanged glances.Miley reached her locker and put in the combination on the lock. The lock opened and she started to get her stuff out of her locker. Beside her Lilly and Oliver were doing the same. They hoped that things would go smoothly.

After getting their things they headed to their class. As usual they sat together in the same corner. Sarah walked into the class and noticed Miley. She walked over with a smile.

"Hi Miley, it's nice to see your back," She said. Miley gave her a small smile.

"Thanks Sarah."

"Hope you're feeling better," She said before going to her own seat. Miley watched her go. Feeling better? ...Maybe... She sighed and waited for class to start. She was only half listening to what Oliver and Lilly were talking about, something unimportant. Maybe they were pretending things were normal, Miley didn't know and she didn't care.

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By the time it was lunch time a lot of people had come up to Miley, some welcoming her back, others saying they understood or they knew how she felt (she didn't believe that), and then there were those that looked at Miley differently. The ones that whispered lies while she was around, in voices loud enough to carry though she was sure they were intended that way. They made it seem like they knew everything when, in truth, they knew nothing. They called her "Emo" now. Now she didn't care what they said about her.

Miley, Lilly, and Oliver were walking out of the cafeteria. It was the beginning of lunch and none of them felt up for the "Special" of the day that looked like thrown up dog food. They didn't even know why they bothered with the cafeteria if buying lunch was always better. They were heading for the lunch line next to the gym when Leon Bryant and his buddies blocked their way.

"Can we help you?" Lilly asked in a somewhat annoyed tone. Leon ignored her and turned to Miley. Miley groaned inwardly. Leon wasn't exactly known around the school for his kindness.

"Hey, is it true that you tried to kill yourself?" He asked. Miley sighed.

"Who told you that?" Leon waved his hand around.

"Everyone's talking about it around the school," He said, "So is it true?"

"What if it was?" She asked almost challengingly. He looked almost taken aback.

"So is that a yes?"

"Gosh, can you just leave her alone?" Lilly said. Leon blinked at Lilly.

"Yeah man, she's had people harrassing her all day," Oliver spoke up, "Give her some peace and back off." Leon raised his hands.

"Hey, I'm not doing anything. I just want to know if Little Miss Good Girl here has gone emo."

"God, a rumor goes around and now everyone is calling me emo!" Miley said angrily. She glared at Leon, "You want to know the truth? You want to know if I tried to kill myself?" Leon nodded slowly. Behind him some of his friends looked shocked. "Well, the truth is yes, I did. I tried to kill myself ok? Yeah, go ahead and call me emo, go around telling everyone it's true even though most people know already. Do whatever the hell you want because you know what? I don't care, I don't fucking care anymore."

"Damn..." One of Leon's friends said softly. Leon stayed staring at Miley. Lilly and Oliver stood at her side, looking between her and Leon, wondering what was going to happen next. Leon narrowed his eyes.

"I don't believe you," He said finally.

"What the hell? You brought all this up and caused all this trouble just to doubt Miley?" Lilly exclaimed. Leon shrugged.

"Hey, I've got no proof. Some people think it's cool to be emo so they fake it. She could just be another one of those people."

"Well she's not so just leave man," Oliver said.

"Yes, please, leave me alone," Miley said. But Leon didn't move. He stayed staring at her and stared right back. Her gaze was hard and it was unnerving for him.

"C'mon, let's go," He said to his friends and they walked off. Miley sighed and started to walk off. Lilly and Oliver exchanged glances and followed. Miley leaned against her locker, eyes closed. Lilly put a hand on her shoulder.

"Hey, you ok Miley?" She asked, concerned for her friend. Miley opened her eyes and nodded. Lilly could tell she really wasn't ok. Her eyes were almost stone gray instead of they're usual blue. They always got like that when something was bothering her. Sure, lately they had only been a very dull blue or even a light gray but they had never been this dark. Lilly knew not to press the issue though, if Miley wanted to talk about she would. Lilly instead nodded. "Alright then...do you still want to get something to eat?" Miley shook her head.

"I wasn't very hungry in the first place," She answered. Again Lilly nodded. "I'll stand in line with you guys though." She stood up straight.

"Alright then, let's go," Oliver said. The three went back to the lunch lines and tried to go about with a normal lunch.

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Miley dropped her backpack on the floor of her room and threw herself on her bed. School had been stressful but she expected it. She just wished that people would stop bugging her so much. At least Amber and Ashley hadn't bugged her. They probably never would again after she had beat up Ashley.

There was a knock on her door and her dad asked if he could come in. Miley let hin in and he came over and sat next to her on the bed.

"So how was you're first day back?" He asked. Miley closed her eyes and rolled on her back.

"It was...just how I expected it to be," She answered, trying to be as vague as possible.

"And how was that?"

"People...kept coming up to me saying different things."

"Like?" He pressed. She looked up at him.

"What do you think?" He nodded.

"Well, try not to feel too down ok Bud?" She sighed and nodded. He kissed her forehead and walked out. Miley put her hands over face. She should listen to her dad, she really should but sometimes that was easier said than done. She grabbed her journal from under her bed.

_Oct. 8th 07_

_Ok, I finally went back to school. I don't know, maybe I should've gone back eariler? Whatever, it would've been the same thing. Ppl saying "I'm sorry" or "I hope you're doing better now." It annoys me. I don't think any of them really mean it except for my friends. I only saw Jake once today, in 2nd period, and he was carefully avoiding looking at me. I'm pretty sure he's the reason the whole school knows because the only one other person knew besides those that visited me and that is Sarah. Surprise surprise, she voulnteers at the hospital. Who would've guessed? I know she didn't say anything, she's not like that._

_Anyways, I have to go to therapy every Tuesday. That's been...odd. I don't particularly like it but...I have to admit, it's helping a bit. I'm glad for that because...I never want to cut again. I never want to be so weak that I have to resort to a sharp object to make me feel better. Ha, the therapist told me it would help if I wrote things down and I told her I already do...random but I felt like saying it..._

_The doctors also put me on some anti-depressant pills. It works for a bit but afterwards it sucks, come crashing down twice as hard. I'm tired...I'm taking a nap._

With that Miley closed her journal and returned it to it's place under her bed. She lay back down and closed her eyes for a bit of sleep.

**A/N:** Ok ok, I know I took forever to update but I'm sorry! It's not like I have expirence with suicide or anything. I haven't attempted it. I know, I shouldn't write about things I don't know but I have creativity. I can imagine right? Anyways, review if you'd like. Also, sorry if there's mistakes...didn't spell check. If you see anything can you point it out so I can fix it? Thanks.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hannah Montana. **

Last Resort, First Relief

A week since Miley came back to school and things were more or less the same as they had been. A lot of people have gotten over it and had stopped bugging Miley but there was still a large portion of people taunting her. Leon the most annoying of all. He just wouldn't quit. Even other students were telling him to leave her alone but he just wouldn't listen.

Right now it was Tuesday, the beginning of school, and Miley was walking to her locker with Lilly and Oliver at her side as usual. She noticed Leon and his gang hanging out on the opposite side of the hallway from her locker. She noticed his amused grin and narrowed her eyes in suspicion. What was he up to? She put in the combination of her locker and opened the door. Something attached to a piece of paper fell out. She raised an eyebrow and picked it up. It was a razor. Written on the piece of paper was something from Leon.

_If at first you don't succeed, try try again! For Seaview's number 1 emo_

_-Leon_

Across the hall the group of boys erupted into laughter. Miley crumpled up the piece of paper, making sure to cover the razor, and threw it in the trash. Then she walked over to Leon. He was still laughing.

"What's the matter? You didn't like my present?" He said.

"Man, what the fuck is your problem?" Miley half spoke, half yelled. People in the hall turned to look at both of them. "What the hell did I do to you? Can't you just leave me the fuck alone? God, try to show some fucking maturity you bastard." Leon wasn't exactly sure what to say. Miley looked seriously mad. "Just leave me the hell alone," She said before turning around and walking back to her locker. Miley furiously grabbed the books that she needed and stuffed them into her bag. Then she stormed off towards her class. Lilly and Oliver exchanged worried looks before following after her.

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_Oct. 16th 07_

_Fucking Leon! He just doesn't know when to quit! Today he actually went as far as to put a fucking blade in my locker. What the hell is his problem? Seriously, I want to know what I did to him. Why does he feel like he needs to fuck around with me? Sorry I'm cussing so much but he just makes me so mad. I hate it. Doesn't he think my life is hard enough? God, it's like poking an angry tiger with a stick. Eventually it's going to have enough and bite back. I need to try and forget about it. Oh wait, I have counselling today...in like 15 minutes. (sigh) What else can I think about..._

_Ok, I know this is going to sound stupid, asking an inanimate object, but you think I should start up Hannah Montana again? I mean, even before...before, Hannah hadn't been doing much. Me and my dad had talked about a few things but nothing really happened. And now...well, there's really only two ways for me to really express how I feel. One is just writing it down in this journal and the other is to write a song and I've written a few. I'm just not sure if they're really "Hannah" material. Way more angsty than anything I've done before. If I were to put out an album with some of those songs how would people react?_

_There would definitly be critisim but then again there always is. And what about the fans? Shouldn't I write/sing about what I feel? I'm really not up to singing about some imaginary boy or being very "Pop-y". I know, pop is what Hannah is but I'm not trying to be Hannah. I'm trying to be Miley, and Miley doesn't want to be smothered by Hannah. (sigh) I'm not sure what to do anymore. On one hand I could take a risk and record my songs, on the other hand Hannah has a reputation to keep. I don't know! Maybe I'll talk to my dad about this, let him see some of the songs I've written, the less angsty ones. If he thinks it's a good idea then I'll do it. If not...then...I don't know..._

Miley put the pencil down and rolled on her back. She was thinking about it. Could a few sad songs really hurt Hannah's career by much? It's not like artist never make the occasional sad song. Besides, she needed to freshen things up a bit and take a new turn.

She reached over and opened the top drawer of the dresser next to her bed. From inside she pulled out a notebook. Inside the notebook were all the songs she wrote. She flipped through a few pages, reading a few lines from her older songs. She stopped when she reached the new ones she had written. She read them. She closed the notebook and shook her head. Those songs wouldn't do, they were too...dark. She opened to a blanks page and tried to think of another song. Something not as dark but still expressed something.

Maybe give out a message of some kind but what? 'Don't commit suicide', yeah, that would really go well, especially when Hannah had fans that were 8 or 10 years old. She rolled her eyes. No, nothing as blunt as that. Hmm...well there were kids who had problems and hard lives. Maybe she could reach out to those. What could she say though? She narrowed her eyes as she concentrated on what to say.

Well, it was always nice to know that you weren't alone, that there were other people that could relate to you. After all, we all have problems to go through. And no matter how bad things get you should never let go because there's always going to be something nice that you'll be leaving behind. _Like your friends..._

Miley rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling as she tried to think. She decided that she had a good enough message, you're not alone and don't let go. Now all she had to do was build a song around it. She sighed. The lyrics part was never easy. Have you ever tried getting emotions down as words? It was hard. She lay there, tapping the pencil against the side of her head and trying to think.

Her dad came in after a few minutes and broke her out of her thoughts. It was time for counselling. Oh joy... Mile got off her bed and checked herself in the mirror. She looked fine. She started to walk out of the door but paused. Then she turned around and grabbed her journal from the bed.

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Miley lay on her bed at night. Her counselling did not go over well. In the beginning things were good but suddenly it was like it was starting to slip. Not just the counselling but something else, what exactly Miley wasn't sure. She just got the feeling of slipping. Miley was laying on her side staring at the wall. She sighed and turned over.

Why was she so depressed all the time? How come everytime she smiled it felt fake or forced, anything but genuine. She ran a hand through her hair. Honestly, what was wrong with her? Why did it always seem like she was so alone, even when she was crowded in a room full of people? Her arm started tingling. At first she just passed it off as an itch but as she stratched it seemed to grow more. It was so oddly familar, and almost missed. What was it? Her hand shot off her arm as if on fire when she realized what it was. It was the feeling of wanting to cut. She blinked.

She should not be feeling that. Her arm still felt that way and she just started at it in the darkness. She swallowed. This could not be happening. She hadn't felt the urge to cut herself for a while so why the change all of a sudden? She shut her eyes and put her hands to her head. This did not bode well.

**A/N:** Holy Eff dude! I swear I totally forgot I even had this fic and then it was like so sudden and damn, I'm sorry guys, really I am. I hate me now. Hope there's someone still reading this.


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